londwinded... shorthand version at the bottom for those too lazy to read it all.
9:19 p.m. on 2005-07-09
still dont know about my possible promotion... i wanna know soon... i need to know if i need to start looking for another job. a few people at work think i'm being stupid even thinking like this tho... they keeps talking about "when" i get to position instead of "if". it really is still if i get the position tho... i'm scared tho. i really dont trust my judgement much... and i'm not great at telling people off either... i wanted to go talk to a girl i work with about her bf/brother/some random guy she was talking with, following around etc. but i couldn't do that. plus, no one respects me or anything. no one listens to what i say. well, there are a few people who will, but they respect me as a friend as well. they know i'm not being bitchy or powertripping or anything. also a girl i work with told me that watching me makes her tired cuz i dont take my breaks. she was trying to make me sit down, but i was at the point that sitting down wouldn't have done anything. i just needed to keep moving. i had already missed my break anyways. i missed both 15 min breaks. oops. oh well. i dont need them, and if i feel my zone needs my attention, i dont mind skipping them. i hardly ever take either anymore. about half the time i'll take 1 of them... lunch is really all i need. i've never really had a job where i had a break tho... the y NEVER gave breaks, even when they finally promised we'd be getting a lunch break and 15 min breaks, we never got them (with the shifts we were working we PROBABLY should have been getting them) and at joey bistro we only got breaks if we smoked. and those were only like, 5 min breaks whenever you got a chance. so, of course the chain smoker i can be, would go every chance i got. speaking of smoking tho: i'm down to 2 cigs a day! woot! now i'm trying to decide which cig to cut out next... my morning cig before work, or my cig after work... i'm trying to decide which i like/need more... i'm leaning towards cutting the morning one... and if i need the cig in the morning, well, i'll let myself have it, i just wont let myself smoke the after work cig. i'm surviving fairly well on 2 a day tho... it's kinda suprising... *shrugs* i'm so excited to visit justin. i think i'm gonna put in for the time off tomorrow or something... put in for a week in august... leave friday morning (we decided that would be best cuz he could meet me at the airport, show me round detroit, we could go to the club, then go back to his place) i'm so ready to see him again. my friends think i'm being silly, cuz i do tend to jump from guy to guy, but he's always stayed in my mind and heart... he's never hurt me, we're OK with each other seeing other people while we cant have each other. but right now, i dont even want/need anyone else. just thinking of him makes me happy. he is a wonderful person. i've met his dad, this trip i'll get to meet his mom (i've talked to her on the phone, but we haven't met...) but he still hasn't met either of my parents... i dont know how my parents will react to him. it's not like i really care that much... i'm still planning on moving in with him, and seeing where things go from there... but i would like it if they liked him. they wont like his piercings. they wont like that he has a tattoo... they wont like his long hair... they wont appreciate his humor, some of the reasons i love him will be lost on him and may make them dislike him more... i talked to my mom about the possibility of him moving in with me, and she didn't like that he's a musician working at a grocery store... it's honest work tho. someone could say the same thing about me working retail! these aren't permanent jobs for either of us. i know my dad will appreciate and like a lot the fact that he knows a lot about computers. my dad respects that. it's a useful skill and my dad knows next to nothing about it, so he likes people who do know a lot about it. justin will earn a few brownie points there. i'm sure when they realize how happy he makes me they'll smile to my face, and pray that we break up soon... honestly that's all i can ask for. them to at least be civil and kind while he's around. as i've said, them not liking him isn't going to stop me from seeing him. wow, this is quite longwinded and pointless. so, i think i'll end it now, with a shorthand version to those who didn't bother to read the rest: i'm nervous about the possible promotion, i'm down to 2 cigs a day, i miss justin terribly and wonder what my parents will think of him when they finally meet him... yeah, that's about it... so, i'm off like a prom dress...
