love hurts.
10:50 p.m. on 2005-06-26
i'm tired and depressed, but i dont wanna sleep. i wish i could go see land of the dead. that would make me happy. i also wish i could go to the club, but i dont wanna go alone and i dont wanna hafta see tim. and not speaking of him, but realizing that i'm in love is one of the most painful realizations right now. it's not time for it, especially with the guy i love. i can now say (without stating his name, cuz i'm not quite ready to tell HIM yet...) but i can say that i love him, but why now? i know that once some things get straightened out, it will be great, amazing, wonderful. but right now, i dont want to love him. i dont want to be in love. it's not the time for that. but yeah, for now, i'm in love, and it's tearing me appart. all i want right now is to be in his arms. nothing else matters. i need to make it happen as soon as i can. just look up into his eyes and tell him that i love him, tell him i want to be with him for a long time, i dont remember where i heard this, but i think there's a quote somethin like, "i dont know if this is true love, but right now i just want to enjoy the feeling of being in love" i wish i could enjoy it right now. i wish i could be with the people i care about now, or anyone really. i hate being alone. i need a roommate. i need my own place. i wish i had a friend i could move in with... someone i could just get a place with and do well... i mean, i prolly could afford a place on my own, but it'd be so much easier with someone else. plus, we all know emily needs LOTS of attention. blah. i think i'll be goin to bed now. just wish i had someone to sleep with... *sighs* i need someone right now. anyone. just to cuddle with and be with... oh well... g'night.
