and i still dont give up...
6:43 p.m. on 2005-03-27
kind of "fight" with kyle yesterday. i'm still very hurt by what was said. friday i really wanted to hang out with him, and called when i got off work (like i said i would) and he said maybe to hanging out and i told him to call and let me know whenever. well, by saying whenever, i meant that night. i wanted to know whether or not we were hanging out that night. guess not... he just fell asleep and i called/texted a few times saying things like, "well, guess you're asleep and dont wanna chill tonight... thanks for at least calling and telling me" and the like. i went to the club. alone. i had fun dancing, but i didn't talk to anyone cept the bartender to ask for a water bottle and a really drunk girl. the girl was cute tho... so saturday morning i got a text back sayin that he had only said maybe to hanging out and he hadn't said he would call that night. he called me a little later and started saying how i'm not his girl and he doesn't have to talk to me or see me every day. yes, that's true, but for a while it seemed he wanted to, then all of the sudden i mean nothing to him. i mean, i know i dont mean near as much to him as he means to me, but now i feel like shit. i know i was upset over nothing, but if i dont call when i say i'm going to, he will text me asking why i'm mad at him. isn't that kind of the same thing??? i really just dont get it. i wrote him a very long note (i know, so middle school... i really dont care. i get things out more clearly in writing)which i'll give him/read to him next time we see each other. whenever that is. that's why i wanted to see him so bad on friday in the first place tho! i knew i wouldn't be able to hang out saturday or today, and i knew he wouldn't be able to hang out tomorrow cuz i dont get off work till 10 and he goes to bed early. so tuesday is the soonest we'd be able to hang out.. i like seeing or talk to him often. but obviously he doesn't care. i was talking about this to a guy at work, and he says that no i have an excuse to just stop talking to the asshole. yes, he called him an asshole. this guy reminds me a lot of my friend justin, who had lived in vegas and may end up living with me there eventually. he's a nice guy and i would like to hang out with him... but again with the seeing guys i work with... could be wierd... i do just want to meet new people... find someone nice. i'm done being a sex doll to guys. i feel that way with kyle too sometimes. but i made the mistake of getting attached. i need to talk to him but i dont know what to say. i think the letter is prolly the easiest way to do this.
