i should give up....
3:03 a.m. on 2005-03-20
aha, finally i get to updated. i feel like venting. i've been goin crazy lately... just gettin into a funk. fun stuff, right? it's been a while since i had a bad one... well, it seems like a while anyways... i could just go back a few entries and find it, but i dont feel like doin that... sor sucks. boring. tiring... people suck ass. i wanna kill parents half the time. i can put up with kids, but i can NOT put up with their stupid parents. also, since when is "would you like your reciept with you or in the bag?" a yes or no question???? pisses me off! especially when they act like I'M the stupid one for gesturing towards the bag before dropping it in. hung out with kyle thursday night. we drank a bit, went out driving, stopped and "talked" for a while... i know he still has issues with his ex, but he needs to learn what i am and if i'm just gonna be a friend, he needs to stop bluring that line for me. he didn't call/text or answer my calls and texts untill almost 9 this evening. i was getting worried.. i had kept him out too late, thought his rents might have been mad... or that he was with his ex and didn't wanna talk to me (or that she didn't want him talking to me)i dunno, i know i have no claim on him, i have no right to be jealous, or anything, i mean, it's not like he SHOULD have to talk to me every day, but if i call/text a few times, i do expect for him (anyone really) to get back to me. i worry. a lot. more than i should. he says he had lost his phone in his car and had only just found it around 8:30-9ish this evening... dunno how long it was lost, but whatever. we hung out... drove around for a while... didn't talk much... i think he may have been a bit pissed at all the calls/texts and how suspicious i was... i know i got a bit out of hand, i called about 15 times since friday morning. maybe more. oops. so i really wanted to talk to him... i didn't even have anything to say, but yeah... i told him that i'd been reading old entries here... from back when we first started hanging out again... i may send him some of the entries so he can read for himself. was quite amusing for me... i dont even remember him saying some of the shit i wrote that he said... but i know he must have if i wrote it... i really do like the boy tho... and i mean, even tho he's told me "where we stand" i still dont really get it... the lines blur too much for me.. i need to either give up on him COMPLETELY and find someone else (not likely since i dont have any friends here who wanna hang out with me) actually i htink that's more my only choice since kyles still a bit stuck on his ex... he says he prolly wouldnt go back... but still... i dont even know. i just want someoneto want me...*sighs* getting all sappy and emotional again. *yawn* i really should go to sleep... i need to be at work in about 7 and a half hrs. lucky me. and this morning i slept in so much that i didn't have time to shower. EWWWW! but yeah... i'm out. peace.
