* new shit* blah* blah * blah


scared.
10:54 p.m. on 2005-02-14
i'm scared, and i know i prolly shouldn't be... i had gotten a call from the dr on friday, but since i was at work, i didn't get the message, i finally called this morning and was told that i had a "probably normal head scan" but there was an "abnormal soft tissue growth" that they want me to get an mri for. i know it's probably nothing, but the fact that it might not be nothing, it could be anything scares me... what ifs are running through my head. and as much as i hate life and hate how things are going for me, I DONT WANT TO DIE. i really came to that realization today. at work there's this song that's always playing (i swear the playlist consists of 10 songs on repeat) but this song i heard more clearly today...
Unwritten (Natasha Bedingfield)

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

so pop, but i love the song. i've heard it a million and one times (really saying something since i've worked there a week) the sun seems brighter after that song plays, everything just more vibrant and alive. strange how much a song can changer yer mood.
my parents saw my other2 tongue rings the other day, they were NOT impressed. my mom said she was done giving me money. funny, today she's offering to pay for a jacket i want. guess the thought that there could be something going on has put things in perspective a bit...
well, i think i'm gonna go to bed. gotta get up early to try to make an appt. hopin to get this taken care of tomorrow and find out i dont have a tumor or anyting. blah. wish me luck.

babble babble bitch bitch

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