cleaning???
2:11 a.m. on 2005-02-01
FUCK! so much written... gone... damnit. i hate doing that... so, you get the recap version. i hate doing this but i'm lazy and hafta get back to what i was doing... cleaning. yes, that's right... i was cleaning. emily decided that since parents are going out of town this weekend and her room scares the boy she likes, she should clean up and invite him over. that and i tripped over a high heal this morning bruising and scraping myself. still haven't gotten a lot done (well, it doesn't LOOK like i've gotten much of anything done..) but i'm workin on it... hopefully by this weekend it'll be nice enough that i'm not embarassed to have friends hang out in my room... i think a reason i've put off doing this is that it makes my stay seem more permanent... i hate thinking of it that way... i'm visiting... not staying. i miss everyone in vegas so much. i was cooking earlier (brownies, biscuits and s'getti) and well, it's more than just cooking that makes me think of vegas and my friends there... almost everything does... a song on the radio, a cd, a street, just a random thought in my head... i'm constantly thinking of there and getting more and more depressed. as i've said before, i hate it here. i'm miserable. i have no life, hardly any friends, the only one i do hang out with confuses me so much that i have no idea what to do... i want do drink, i doubt anyone loves me enough to get me some jager and hieniken (sp?) i'm fuckin broke and cant pay for someone else to get it for me... and my parents dont drink either. my mom looks disgusted every time i mention jager. i wanna drink myself into oblivion. to be shitfaced again... *sighs* i will almost surely go to the club on friday. i've been wanting to dance for quite some time. would have gone this friday, but well... plans changed. lol. wish i could drink at the club, but i dont know the people who run it (like i did in vegas) and i dont think i'd have any luck in not getting caught... needing to find someone else to go with... prolly gonna see if russ'll come with me... i'm almost sure kyle wouldnt (too antisocial and doesn't really like the music all that much) and i always feel wierd around the couples... i bet everyone's sick of hearing how much i miss vegas, but i can't get over it. i can't wait to get back... kyle thinks i'm gonna flake on going with him and got mad when i turned him down when he offered to lend me money. he doesn't understand that if i let someone pay i feel i'm taking advantage of them... he asked why i let him pay for the movie, i said that i was planning on getting him back. same with bowling (tho i did pitch in a lil for that) called the restaurant again... guy said he was workin on the schedule and would call me tomorrow... if he doesn't i'm calling him... half of me wants to just tell him to fuck off if he doesn't call and/or doesnt offer me a job. he's strung me around too much... i really need this. i was gonna go job hunting today but i couldn't get my car out of the driveway... maybe tomorrow... gah. i think i'm gonna go sleep a bit now... clean more tomorrow... so much to do...
