wtf??? i hate boys.
12:29 a.m. on 2005-01-23
haha. finally this is back up again... seemed to take mine forever... so, now it's time for me to rant about boys... well, one boy really... kyle... my ex... see, we've been hanging out a lot lately... like, most days... and well, i dont know what's going on... some days we'll hang out, talk, smoke, just chill, and it's a just friends thing... other times, we'll make out, have sex, and be all couple-y and cuddley... and i can never tell which way our hanging out will go... doesn't really matter how i act whether he get's all couple-y with me... but i really just wanna know where i stand... i mean, today he hung out with his ex... well, a more recent one, i guess... and well, earlier today he felt the need to tell me he was hanging out with said girl, and asked if i wanted to chill later on... i dont know why he felt i needed to know he was hanging out with this other chick, but he did... was he trying to make me jealous? (takes a lot for that one...) is he acting like we're together and i need to know these things? i dont get it... boys confuse me... i hate the relationship talk, but i think it's getting close to time for one... gah. i suck at these things... also, with me and him, putting a lable on things isn't always smart... but, i want to know what i am to him... just a friend? a fuck buddy? friends with benefits? does he want me to be his gf? i hate this bullshit... this is why i dont date... this is why it's been 2 years since i've had a bf... i hate the bullshit. well, that and no one seems to keep intrest in me... but still... tried cleaning today... started... lots more to do... sucks. i hate cleaning. kyle wasn't impressed by my room at all... he's much more into keeping things tidy and all... started my job search thursday... went to castle rock... picked up one application, then went to another restaurant and asked for an app, was told they didn't have any right then, but did i want to speak with a manager, so i interviewed right then... it went so rediculously well that i didn't even pick up more apps that day. they had asked me in for a second interview the next day... so, friday i went in for another interview, and that also went very well... they asked me in for yet another interview (who the fuck needs three interviews before they know if they want someone???) on tuesday... i got the impression that this next interview is more them discussing salary and uniform... but this is the last interview i go to with them.. they either hire me then or not... i wont get dragged around like that... i need a job too bad... but it seems very promising... i mean, they wouldn't ask me back a third time if they didn't like me, right??? so, moods are all over the place... i still hate it here and want terribly to be back in vegas, but things arent' going too badly here... i mean, i may already have a job, there's at least some possibility that my ex wont be any ex for much longer, i have plans to go out to vegas over spring break with said ex, i'll be taking some online classes... but still, i hate he weather here, that i hafta go outside to smoke, that no one here likes that i smoke (specially kyle... he was not impressed when i asked if he wanted to come outside with me when i had a cig...)but yeah... gah. i need to get out of here. i need more people to hang out with, to be able to figure out what the fuck is up with kyle, and to start makin some money!!! but now i think i'm gonna go to sleep... g'night.
