sketchy stoners.....
5:51 p.m. on 2004-11-08
just talked with gaby... turns out it was JUST SMOKING... she just didn't tell me the first time, and didn't htink it would happen again, but when it did, she didn't wanna tell me cuz she didn't wanna hafta admit that she hadn'ttold me the first time, and it just got out of hand, and she didn't want to go to the party, but wanted to smoke, and doesn't wanna hang out with these people without me and the others being there... such a relief... but still sketchy as hell... i'm done with him tho... if he cant tell me something like that, then i don't really want anything to do with him... i do like him, but yeah... i dont need that shit... been talking with chris more and more lately. he really is a nice guy and i do like him... he just needs to learn how to kiss. lol. maybe i should be a bit more assertive with him... maybe i should try for something new... someone not in this scene... also been thinking about inviting the stoner guy in band over... see if we could pinch a bowl from him. lol. i was sober all weekend and that's not cool. parents left today... i got the things they wanted me to take care of taken care of for today. they gave me 2 tasks and both were accomplished. woohoo. i really think i can do this... i can get better and i will... i just need to find meds that work and that i dont mind taking. i need to find a shrink i can actually talk to and be honest with... i have an appt. on wednesday morning at 9. icky. but i'm going to go, and i'm going to try to be honest. i really am. i'm trying to change for the better, but i'm not ready to give up some things... like the drugs, and the drinking and the partying... these are things that get me in so much trouble but i dont want to let go... i mean, i know i've been good in the drug department... i've stuck to just smoking... but the fact remains that if i were offered something else i'd prolly take it. i have no will power... i have band in an hr... prolly gonna go get some food with gaby since she hasn't been eating enough lately... she's sick and needs some food in her. i ate with kelly earlier. went to the student health center to get my burn checked out... they said it's healing up well, that some of it is already healed, but i need to keep a bandaid on it and keep neosporin or something like it on all the time. so i cleaned it up and have the bandaid on it. the bandaids they gave me are the big ones i always used to need when i scraped up my knee... they make me think of 5th grade... of recess... of cj, mike, darcie, the swingset. these bandaids, as fucked up as it may sound, make me smile. lol. so now i should prolly go get ready for band and go get some food with gaby... laterz.
oh, and if anyone has some pics i could use for my layout, please let me know, of course i'll give you credit and i'd be willing to do somethin in exchange for you... i'd code a template for you if that's somethin you'd like, anything... i want something of my own tho... hopefully someone will help me out or i'll find a pic i love to use... *crosses fingers*
